So, yeah....I haven't gotten to my likes and dislikes yet....but.........

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo many things have gone on since I blogged last! Ahhhhhh!!!

And may I say, that they have all be GOOD....positive things. Thank goodness, right?

Well....I guess the bulk of all of this is that I am happy. Really truly I am happy. I feel as though my mind had been foggy for so long...so many wrong decisions were made...many people were hurt....I, myself was hurt.

I feel free from my worries right now though. And that is an unbelievable feeling. I feel open and bare for all to see who I am. And it feels good. You will find in life that every single day you will come to splits in the road (kind of like those books you use to read where you had to make a decision and for decision A you would turn to page 125 and for decision B you turn to page 764...and so on). These splits in the road come everyday......everyday of your life. There is no other way to prepare than to be secure in your beliefs. Secure in your morals.....secure in who you are and who you want people to perceive you to be. This is a tough lesson to learn. But I have come to realize the importance of knowing which way to turn. Each way has it's own beauty....it has to....the bad always makes itself beautiful in a way that's hard to pass up. And the good....well, you know it's solid gold. The good speaks a trueness that only you can feel.....even when you don't want to feel it....you do....you feel it throughout your body....throughout your soul.....you know it's the "good".

And YES I admit, I KNOW, that the bad....is constantly in your head saying....NOOOOO THIS IS THE GOOD!!!.....but inside you....what you know is real....the feelings you feel deep inside....that tug at your heart when you know you should be somewhere else........those are the feelings that are true.

It's silly to read this and not think, "Duh! One is bad...One is good!" but the mind is a powerful object....and I am thrilled that I am starting to understand mine. Understanding my mind and my heart made me realize beautiful things in life......some of the most amazing things in life.....

Once I cleared my head.....the first thing that popped into my mind was the beauty and joy that my husband actually gave to my life. My husband loves me....truly loves me. And that in and of itself is one of the most beautiful things I can ever imagine in life. When I cleared my mind, I also found a piece of myself (there's much more to find). I found my ability to concentrate on the good....not the bad. If we always concentrate on the bad......we would all be miserable pieces of crap. And I don't want that.

When I really took the time to think of the magical moments in my life.......they lit my heart up. Some of these moments included the time where James, worked so hard to put up a fence in my old back yard.....for me.....and I was a brat all day. He did this to me....and I made it hard on him....no appreciation. The last day I spend in that house, I sat outside on the back porch and cried. In the beginning I had felt trapped by this fence.....but in the end.....I felt safe....and now I was being moved away from it.....and I wept. I seriously wanted to go and kiss every single piece of wood that was individually hammered up to make a fence....partly for me. I appreciate it. So very much.

Something else that sticks out is......ok, I was snooping....I'm snooper. I found a notepad of James' and I thumbed through it a bit......well, a lot. This was a couple years ago around my birthday. He had all these things written down.....like, a guest list, different foods, cakes, .......he even had a princess crown written down for the birthday girl (moi). He never told me he did that.....I never told him I found it. And, it never happened either. But that's not the point. The point I am making is that he took a lot of time and effort to make something beautiful for me....that was done purely out of love....pure, true love.

And for everyone who didn't know.....we had separated for a while...and I am so thankful to be able to look back and focus on all the loving things I had in my life and to be able to appreciate them........

P.S. I love you James