Do you think Road Rage is just a symptom of Rage?

Today...I felt like I was a danger to my community for getting behind the wheel of my car and driving like a bat out of hell. I'm telling you....I drove.....on people's asses the entire way home...having to tap my breaks here and there to prevent from rear ending them. Sheesh...I hate that feeling. I really couldn't believe how mad I was. I was FURIOUS....at people I don't even know....little old ladies....little old men....who were just enjoying their daily drive, trying to get from point A to point B safely, with their eyeglasses on that still have smudges from last year. That has to be a hard thing to do, and here I am running up on granny's ass...probably making her as nervous as could be.....I did that today...to several people...and now I feel bad.

But it gets me to thinking about how Road Rage comes about? Does it just ignite within you out of nowhere? Or...does it come out because you have some hidden rage? The dreaded bottled up rage. I have learned this is a brutal trait to have.....I, yes, I have it. I have the brutal bottled up rage syndrome. And....yes, maybe I have just now made this up...but I do believe it exists. Meaning that I avoid confrontations.....I get angry just like the rest of us.....I think I get angrier that the most of us.....and I think I get angry easier than some of us. But guess what I do when I get angry? I sweep it under the rug.....and I mean everything...from that gas station attendant who pissed me off so much......to fights that my husband and I may have or fights that my parents and I may have. I have been feeling so suffocated by all this anger that it has given me what is sure to be a lethal dose of anxiety. And yes I able to vent to friends about my anger sometimes.....but not being able to vent it to whoever has upset me.....puts me back in the same place I was before. I think I need to start relaying my anger when I am mad, but I don't want to lash out and say things that I really and truly don't mean....but I want to be taken seriously too when I state that something has made me angry. I hate hating something................I am going to try and focus on deep breathing exercises...........hmmmm.......yeah, yeah, I'm gonna try that.

Gas station attendant......Bless your heart......

I'm sure most of you reading this have been in this situation more than once......picture this.....

You walk into a gas station in the hopes of getting in and getting out with whatever you came to get in tote and going back to your car.....however, it's never that easy. You see there are several people in front of you....and then the attendant...behind the counter....in her own world. Usually....11 times out of 10....she is on the phone....as the line grows and grows and grows....along with my nerves. I take several deep breaths...and try to concentrate...but SHE KEEPS MAKING ME LOSE FOCUS OF NOT GOING POSTAL!!!! Moving at half the speed of a snail.....I find myself wanting to jump over the counter and force feed her cell phone to her. WHERE ARE THE MANAGERS????? Seriously? How is that okay? And why do WE, as customers, never say anything.....like, "Here's a thought for you, why don't you do your job???" Call me crazy, but I don't think that bending over to get that guy's pack of Kool's is rocket science...and neither is handing me the pen to sign my credit card slip!!! JUST HAND IT TO ME ALREADY!!!! And how many times does it take to ring up a pack of gum? I'll tell you how many times it takes her.....4 TIMES....b/c the story on the other end of her line kept getting better and better.....I found myself praying to God...to please please dear Lord....just give me patience.....patience.....I just need.....JUST RING UP MY GUM, HAND ME THE PEN AND GIVE ME MY RECEIPT!!!!! And then....how dare you thank me for my patience....knowing good and well the thoughts that were running through my head. Oh, and that remark you made to your 'friend'? I heard that.....and I'll be patient when it doesn't take you 10 minutes to ring me up a stinking piece of gum.....

I really really REALLY want a telescope!!!!!

How beautiful is that????? I could get lost in this moon....it just kinda draws me in. If you stare at it....everthing around it disappears. Have you ever seen something like that in real life? Where you catch a glimpse of something....and everything around it disappears? It's the most beautiful thing in the world, huh? To focus on something.....when everything around you is fuzzy...hazy....not so clear....but then out of nowhere....something so clear is put in front of you. Like this moon. For as far as the eye can see....it's pitch black...you can't see anything....then when you feel yourself start to focus on something.... it's pure chaos....doesn't make any sense...and then the most beautiful golden ray of light you have ever seen....jumps out at you. You can imagine how many stars were twinkling this night....but it didn't matter...b/c the twinkle in this moon was more amazing than anything that could possibly be going on around it. Sometimes...in life...it's hard to focus on one true thing....but when you do....you get something beautiful. And really and truly....is there anything more amazing than something that holds your gaze and makes everything around you seem just as perfect as what you are looking at? I don't think there is anything more amazing than that. True...nothing will be perfect....there will be fuzziness, times where it takes a little extra effort to focus....but when your eyes fixate on that one perfect piece of pure heaven....nothing else matters...but the smile upon your face and the content in your heart and it makes you realize that this is what you have been looking for....what you have been searching for.....isn't it beautiful?

Living in the House that God built............

Okay...so I have a story for you.....

Somewhere along the way, I seemed to have lost touch with God. As much as that hurts to say, I admit it. BUT I am doing something about it.

I haven't gone to my church in awhile.....and it showed in my life. So, I have been going to The Healing Place on Wednesday's and Sunday's.....and man.....it feels good. I have been going by myself, and I am OK with that. It relaxes me. This past Sunday was amazing.

Pastor Dino was talking about getting distracted from God. Some people may get distracted for a day, a week, a month.....years. I am one of those people. And.....I have had quite the rocky past few years.....and I understand now. So, Pastor Dino...has everyone's head bowed....and he begins to ask everyone who feels like they have been distracted from God to raise their hand.

I DO NOT RAISE MY HAND IN CHURCH......so I didn't.

Something inside me knew it was the last time he was going to ask. And my hand FLEW up......I had no control over it.....it just flew up!!! It was amazing! Then....Pastor Dino asked for everyone who had raised their hand.....to come to the front....my worst nightmare! Yes....I know it's silly but I am deathly afraid of being in front of big groups of people. So....I get up out of my seat...and start working my way up towards the front of the church. My heart is racing at this point....my body keeps moving forward....I feel some resistance in me though...trying to get me to go back to my seat...but I kept moving forward. It was so powerful. Once I got there, there were people standing all around me.....receiving the same prayer that I was. About three quarters of the way through Pastor Dino's prayer.....I feel this massive hand on my back....trembling. And at that moment....I felt all my worry and doubt that I have been feeling leave my body.......this person was praying for me......really and truly....praying...I could feel it....could feel God working through this person I have never met....never even seen...my back was to him. Once the prayer was over.....I have never felt so refreshed in my life!!!!! I turned around....and there was a guy about my age, just looking at me. Kind of saying...."It's okay"......So he held out his hand, said his name was Michael.....

So.....thank you Michael for praying for me!!!!!!!