You may laugh......but this is how I feel......

So so so.......Let me start from the very beginning. I have anxiety of no one I have ever met. I just freak out. In this instance, I signed up for some dance classes. You know, the Rumba, Cha Cha, Swing, Fox Trot, Tango.....which to me is "Blah blah blah....blah blah blah blah." Oh and the Waltz, I think I learned the Waltz. When I tell you that I have to muster all the courage that I have to open the door each day and walk in and say, "I'm here for my lesson"........that's a lot for me. I don't know why I'm such a freak about it. I begin to get the shakes......then the uncontrollable giggles come.......and then the ultimate humiliation begins. I begin to drip. And yes for all you wonder what I could possibly be dripping.....it is that of my own SWEAT!!!!!! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! I gross my self out with that. My partner and I are constantly having to wipe our hands and that makes me feel like.....welll.....a gross piece of yuck. Because to be honest with you. If I was teaching someone to dance and they melted on every piece of my body.....I'd be a little grossed out. So it was $97 for the Introductory Lesson. Which included 4 sessions of humiliation and a double session of humiliation times 2. Oh, and a party at the end where we all get together and I get to sweat on all of them. hahhahaha.......sorry, I just now really made myself laugh. It really is embarrassing. At my last session, my instructor told me that it was going to be $1600 for the next package.

I had to ask him to repeat himself. $1600 for the next package? There are ladies in their 70's dancing circles around me in there!!! So....I think I have decided to stick with it and pay the money. Because I think it will help with my anxiety. I am still frightened that I will be that skittish old lady who pees her pants if anyone so much as tells her "Hi".

Also, I am hoping that with the next lesson I feel more comfortable to take the bag off my head.

Moments of beauty..........

This is a picture of me when I was little. I was so excited to feed the birds. They kept nipping at my fingers for the food I had for them and the excitement in my expression is something I love. Really, I love this sort of thing in general. Images that capture the true essence of what you are feeling at that moment. To be able to capture happiness, sadness, disappointment, hurt, despair, bliss, passion..........all of these emotions are truly beautiful.

When we were younger, all of these things meant something somewhat different than it does to us now that we are adults. Like I am LOVING feeding these birds in this picture! It's the best thing ever! As an adult.....you learn so many other emotions and just how deep they run. Some may think that missing someone is the most excruciating pain ever known. I find a sort of comfort in it. Missing someone or something shows me how much passion I have for it. I never want to forget the moments that have molded me into...well, me. The beautiful times......the heart wrenching times......I hold them all close to me. Because honestly, can you really ever forget the bad times? I don't think that it's humanly possible. So, I embrace them. Not meaning that I enjoy the bad times of course......but what I've been trying to do is pull the beauty from them.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if something strikes me as touching.....I can seriously become drunk in it. I can become lost in beautiful moments.....and I love it!!!!

Getting to know the neighbors...........

As scary as it may look, it's actually quite adorable. I think that we are the youngest people in the neighborhood, which is cool. BUT......everyday.....there is this lady in her front yard.....sitting down in the grass. And it's not even in her "real" front yard but the section of grass that sits between the street and the sidewalk. And everyday.....she is sitting there just a pulling grass. I mean, I try not to stare but I just don't understand...She has fistfuls of grass...and she just can't stop picking at it. Then, the other day...she had a little spray bottle and was misting the grass, then picking it......and it was at that point where I had to draw the line.....turn around....and walk away......

I'm going pick grass with her tomorrow.