"Rules mean love".
Whether it's a simple curfew rule or a rule of self constraint. They all take discipline and you showed me how to do that. "Blessed are the peacemakers..." These past couple of weeks I've found myself thinking..."Beth, what are you doing? You aren't that hardheaded!" So then I took the phrase "Forgive and Forget" and pondered it for quite some time. Because I don't want to just be tired of being hardheaded and become so weak that I throw in a towel...it solves nothing and will surely come back with a vengeance. Calmness had come over me and I felt like I had forgiven Linney but do you know the acts that I were so upset about kept playing in my mind...louder...Louder...and then LOUDER. Then I was back at square one...having to forgive again. You can forget without forgiving but for me...that's a very cowardly way to get away from needed lessons we learn through life. And in this sense...forgetting something in no way, shape, or form means that it doesn't exist. And if you can't forget an ugly act and it just keeps coming back to anger you and cause bitterness inside of you...then the first step has been left out. Forgiveness. I know with my parents...taking baby steps is how it has to be dealt with. After all these years, I thought I had forgiven them...but now I know that if that was the case then this anger towards them wouldn't stir up inside my heart. For me...and it's just an opinion, but the ability to totally forget, seems unrealistic. What does seem realistic is the ability to remember with a compassionate heart and an unbelievable notion of understanding. That to me...is a peacemaker. I've always been able to be understanding in ways most people would slap themselves! haha! And I totally believe you about the Devil coming in and just playing hide and seek with some attributes that I find the most important to me. First, my understanding was taken away. And that is what I have actually been telling those around me...I am so confused. Confusion is a direct effect of not being able to understand something or someone. Without understanding...things seem impossible. It's like preaching about God and his love....and a non-believer says something like, "I will believe only if you give me something tangible for proof. Like a photo in front of me, or a hand for me to shake". They feel as if they have been stopped in their tracks with an impossible task. Impossibilities or the idea of something being impossible will hurt your love of life. No one wants to take on a task that they know ahead of time is not possible to be completed. The gift of Understanding that God has given to us is something that I treasure with all of my heart and soul. It's the foundation for all the wonderful characteristics that can be found deep inside each of us if we just slow down, be patient, and try to understand the big picture. Life is made out of lots of different small acts that if taken for what they were individually...would have us all overreacting and accusing one another and basically just not "getting it". Life can't be summed up based on one single act that may or may not have happened. The beauty of life is that we get the pleasure of many acts, whether kind or unkind, they all tell a story that has a lesson. EVERY ONE OF THEM! Some just choose not to dig deeper to find the gift tucked inside.
Oh, wow, I just totally rambled my way into I don't even know what!
Basically, what I am trying to say is that first and foremost I feel so blessed that God has given me the strength and ability to accept his gracious gift of understanding...it was in me before and I am ready for it to come back to it's place in my heart. It has allowed me to step back, remove myself from any given situation and try to understand the who's, what's, and why's. It's not like me to let myself get so caught up in nonsense. And I will tell you one thing...it takes much more effort and hard work to be bitter and mad than it does to take a deep breath and try to understand what exactly is going on. The message is always hidden...things are always taken out of context....we need to basically get over ourselves! Haha, sorry that just made me laugh but it's true. Imagine this... there is some exciting news that is about to be shared within a family. The phone calls and alerts of the news begin!! - This situation is taken two ways... there is excitement about the news and congrats and best wishes are sent in the way of whoever has the news.... And the other way...the other way is a something that has become apparent to me so much lately and it quite frankly makes me a bit queasy... The reaction where the news is taken lightly and placed on the back burner while the other person does a quick "who was called before me...I need to see how much MORE important I am than so and so"....feelings are hurt, emotions are angered, your soul is the color of green....and you don't even remember what the news was at this point. It is in these types of situations that I say...get over yourself. It's not a race about who is the coolest...who is the most loved...who is the favorite...who is prettier...who has the most friends...who has the best taste in music... I say pay attention to details...not just the detail. If you do pay attention to just the detail...you will end up sad, mad, miserable because you won't always be the favorite, the prettiest, the most loved, have the most friends, or have the best taste in music. It's unrealistic and selfish to want and need to always be first.
Oh, wow, I just totally rambled my way into I don't even know what!
Basically, what I am trying to say is that first and foremost I feel so blessed that God has given me the strength and ability to accept his gracious gift of understanding...it was in me before and I am ready for it to come back to it's place in my heart. It has allowed me to step back, remove myself from any given situation and try to understand the who's, what's, and why's. It's not like me to let myself get so caught up in nonsense. And I will tell you one thing...it takes much more effort and hard work to be bitter and mad than it does to take a deep breath and try to understand what exactly is going on. The message is always hidden...things are always taken out of context....we need to basically get over ourselves! Haha, sorry that just made me laugh but it's true. Imagine this... there is some exciting news that is about to be shared within a family. The phone calls and alerts of the news begin!! - This situation is taken two ways... there is excitement about the news and congrats and best wishes are sent in the way of whoever has the news.... And the other way...the other way is a something that has become apparent to me so much lately and it quite frankly makes me a bit queasy... The reaction where the news is taken lightly and placed on the back burner while the other person does a quick "who was called before me...I need to see how much MORE important I am than so and so"....feelings are hurt, emotions are angered, your soul is the color of green....and you don't even remember what the news was at this point. It is in these types of situations that I say...get over yourself. It's not a race about who is the coolest...who is the most loved...who is the favorite...who is prettier...who has the most friends...who has the best taste in music... I say pay attention to details...not just the detail. If you do pay attention to just the detail...you will end up sad, mad, miserable because you won't always be the favorite, the prettiest, the most loved, have the most friends, or have the best taste in music. It's unrealistic and selfish to want and need to always be first.