Relief..............in knowing

Ooooooooohhhhhhhh weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee - Yes, things are looking up. I have made a decision in my life, that.....get this.....IS THE RIGHT ONE AND I KNOW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Damn that feels good. I feel a relief that I've only felt from God a few times when I begged for his mercy. Relief........what an amazing feeling. I know God gave me the strength to do this.....He has been missing being able to give me that feeling! Let me tell you a little about what I'm talking about....................

I made a decision to leave a job that I worked at for basically 4 years. In all....total, I tried to quit 5 times. FIVE TIMES!!!!!! I am weak.....have trouble saying NO!!!! But I did it. Two weeks ago....I put in my notice. It was hard. So hard. After I pulled my manager in the back and did it......I felt an instant burden lifted off my shoulders. When all of a sudden I hear, "Beth, can you come in the back real quick so I can talk to you about something?" What do I say? "Suuuuuure!"
I get in the back with my manager (and I had done so well.....meaning....no crying or anything) and tries to get me to stay......or to atleast take a couple of days and "think about it".........I started crying. I mean, why must I keep putting myself through misery?!?!?!?!?! So I told him ok..........

After he left for lunch - I emailed him and told him that I appreciate his concern and want for me to stay....but I had nothing to think about and my time with the company was done.....thank you for what you have done for me......but it's over for me.

I had gotten another job offer......and struggled back and forth on what to do. In my mind, despite how much I hated this job and the person it turned me in to.....I felt obligated to my upper boss to stay. I had quit a while back, and when I got stuck.....he hired me back and basically started giving me paychecks again. And he will honestly never know how much I appreciate that and how much he helped me.......and how sorry I am that I couldn't keep my end of the deal. But I really felt that staying at that job would be my ultimate demise.

So, I flipped and flopped back and forth......should I or shouldn't I? The story of my life.

I started my new job today......and I LOVE IT!!!!! Absolutely 100% love it. And I KNOW I made the right decision. And I KNOW that I am going to rock it.

The feeling of relief that I felt today......is hard to relate to anything in my life. It's a decision that I made on my own. A decision that I went with regardless of the battle in my mind. A decision that I am so proud of because I know it's the right one.

It's comforting to feel what a "right" decision feels like...............just ashame I haven't felt it more often.