Things I miss...........

It was hard to pick only a few pictures of things I miss. But the ones I put up....except for the one I couldn't find with Maw Maw B, I can sum it up. I miss my family....the closeness of my family. And I know it's partly my fault....b/c basically I am just weird. I close up and have all these emotions but don't know how to show them.

In the first picture.....that's Paige and I. I miss that girl like crazy. She is my confidant. She loves me....regardless of my mistakes.....she loves me unconditionally. I feel lost sometimes because I see everyone going through life with their plans.....the same plans that I had but can't seem to follow through with. I'm terrified of being left behind. She is my rock. She may not always understand me.....but she always tries. I know that she would do anything for me. It's so comforting to have her in my life. She is married and has a family now....and sometimes I'm not sure where I fit. I don't want to intrude on her new life....I want to be a part of it. I just don't know how. Some of the best memories throughout my entire life so far......I would say 95% include her.

......great now I'm crying again.

In the second picture.....that's the family kids growing up. Dusty, me, Jake, Lindsey, Justin, Caleb, Paige, and Whitney.....where the heck is Eric? hmmmm......anyway. I was an only child but honestly......I felt as though these were my brothers and sisters. They took care of me....we always were super close and always had each others best interest in mind. I miss that. Dusty lives in Austin now. Eric lives in New Orleans. Jake lives in Missouri. Paige is married and has a baby....starting her own family. Looking at that picture, seeing us at the ages of 2 to 7. And now looking at us in our early twenties, late twenties....and early thirties. I miss them. I miss my family. I feel like I've lost important things in there lives and I can't stand that.

In the third picture......that's my mom and I. We use to have this amazing bond. Honestly, I can't say whether or not it was a healthy bond, but it was still a strong bond. I miss her. I miss our talks....our normal talks. When she would come and lie on my bed with me and we would just talk about my day. No one prepares you for the changes that come with adulthood. I just really miss her....and I have just been having such a hard time opening up that I can't say it....I don't know how to say it. I just miss my mom.

In the last picture......that's my dad and I. I miss him but in a weird way. For instance, in that picture.....when I was growing up.....my dad and I had a super bond. We were close.....we did cool stuff together. Hot wheels....finding snakes and worms outside and playing with them.....I remember him teaching me how to cast a fishing rod in the front yard. He helped me with my rock collection.....and we were always doing science experiments. My father is a genius. We use to go out in the fields and he would shoot skeet - I would pull the string. I miss him.

Ok.....so that's enough for tonight! Love you all so very very much! Muah!