Accepting the Unacceptable

This is my life. Not all of it. But it shows a big part of what means the most to me. It's my family. Not just any family. My family. It loves like no other. It was built by Rosalie. It is strong when you are weak and reminds you how to love when you want to hate. A foundation that was built by a beautiful angel with her own two hands. Built with ultimate care and precision by a woman guided by God. What strength has been instilled into this wonderful gracious gift from God. I'd like to think that every family has a gift such as this.....but I know this isn't the case. Now why we were chosen to be pieces of this puzzle - I do not know. Just from looking back on life and on all of our lives - we needed Maw Maw B to be a part of it. And maybe God knew that we would accept it.

I have been a wreck trying to accept that the lives of those we love.... will not always be here. What a terrible feeling inside when you know you can't turn back time. That we are all here for a set amount of time and that nothing is guaranteed. Does she know how much I love her? Does she know what pride I have in knowing that I am a part of her? Does she truly know the extent to which she has blessed me? I believe angels know everything - they are little workers of God.

So I've been kicking myself for not hugging her longer the last time I was able to hug her and have her hug me back. I mean really beating myself up about it. Something so important for me....the strong hold of a loving hug. I could stay in one forever. It's all I could think about.....just one more hug.

On our way to Florida for Eric and Carmen's wedding.....my dream came true. My mother and I stopped by the hospital to give her love and lots of kisses. When I leaned down to give her a peck and lightly wrap my arms around her to give me whats left of a hug.....she moves her right arm with so much strength and just wraps it around me - tight and firm - the one I needed. I just sank into this beautiful woman and let her hug me for as long as she wanted....(I could have crawled into bed with her and just snuggled up real close) As tears are running down my eyes I know they are tears of happiness. And so does she. Somehow, she knew I needed that. And I did.

To be continued.......