As I lay dying......

I wonder what you are thinking, how you are feeling.....if you are feeling. I tell you my love and think it even stronger in my mind in hopes that you will feel it. Your frail body getting smaller as I watch you. Your shallow breath weakening even more with every heave of your chest. Bless your kind eyes - for they have seen the world and shown others as well. How can someone so strong and full of life....become lifeless before your very eyes? It's happening.....as I'm typing it could have happened. The last breath taken by a woman who has blessed me just by breathing the same air as her.

Imagine a moment in your life that was absolutely breathtaking. Maybe it's the feeling you get when you wake up on a Saturday morning with little rays of sunshine coming through your windows. Or that feeling you get on that first perfect October morning...the air is crisp, the breeze is cool, the grass is a green you've never seen, and blue sky bounces back at you. Maw Maw B is all of these things. When you take in all the air you can and you can't help but close your eyes as you release it with a grin on your face.

As I sat by her bedside literally watching every move her body made, I tried to find comfort in her, but I couldn't help but worry. Worry about whether or not she felt alone in her travels to heaven. Worry about if she was in any pain. Worry about if she was as frightened as I was. Even though I know the answers to all these things...I still couldn't help it. I wanted to give myself up for all those feelings she may have felt. I just wanted her to have a peaceful journey. My little angel on her way to her place in heaven that has been made specially for her by Him. I then began to think of what an honor it was as I watched her eyelids flickering....who was she seeing? Was she seeing Him?? Was He showing her the way?? Wow...amazing. What if she was seeing her husband for the first time in 29 years? Or mother....her brother...her grandchildren?