No one said it was going to be easy - It just makes it easier by those that surround you

Life is full of surprises. Some are good. Some make your heart hurt. And some go unseen. We aren't always dealt the hand that wins on the first round. Honestly, I can't imagine living a life where winning came so easily. At that point, what have I learned? It's not about being handed something that you think you deserve to have. The first mistake here is thinking you deserve anything at all except for love, understanding, and respect. My soul mourns for those who haven't grasped this concept yet. You know the ones.... they walk through life thinking they are victims and making others think the same. There is a bitterness within that chills me to the bone.

Things are going to happen to you that break your heart. Things that will make you want to throw yourself on the floor and weep in a way that you feel there will be no recovering. Things that make you feel like you just woke up in a world where you are all alone, unable to form an emotion regardless of how much hurt you feel. And it's okay to feel these hurts, it's normal. We are all human. We hurt the same way. We just need to learn how to love the same way. I understand that our ideas of what love is and what it means to be loved, are going to differ in some ways.

Let me say this....

After you have had your time to feel sorry for yourself (and it's okay because we all feel sorry for ourselves sometimes), it's necessary to look around you and see who else, if anyone, is affected by what you are hurting so bad for - chances are, they need your love because they are hurting too.

Granted...over the years, I've learned that whether we like it or not, the level of expectations we have for people - are going to different. If you understand that the outcome to situations are probably going to be the same as previous situations - the pain you endure will become less...and less...and less. By no means does this make it okay. It's far from okay either. It's a list that I would think no one wants to be on. Selfishness is the only thing that puts you on this list - and because of that, many of the people on the list, have no idea that they are even on it.

If other people have to hurt in order for you to feel good... was it worth it? When you look back on your life and wonder to yourself where the time went... what does it consist of? Those that love - have the most love surrounding them. Think about that. I can't imagine going through life with the mindset that I come first. Period.

At the end of my life, I want to be on my porch, my gray hair curling around my brow, a peacefulness in my eyes, sitting next to the love of my life in my rocking chair....knowing that my life had a purpose. Not a purpose for "me" great things. I want to know that sacrifices made in my life were for a greater good. That my failures led to someone else's success. For me - that is a successful life. The willingness to set your selfishness aside and help someone else through.

So if you ever think that I am weak... or that you don't understand my thoughts, actions, or feelings. Remember that the reason I may be doing it... is for you.

Life is a beautiful thing. The very idea of it and all it's made up of....makes me happy. Take the time to think about what you contribute that very thing. Every single day - something you do or don't do - affects someone else.

On an ending note... I have to say that I've never been surrounded with so many good people in my life as I am now. Thank you each and everyone of you that makes me feel warm and fuzzy every time I so much as think about you. Ya'll have helped me so much become the person I am today. Helped me get through a lot of pain. Helped me see myself in the image you see me in. Without you, I'm not sure what sort of crazy I would be. I can only hope that I do the same for you.

Love and happiness....