"I don't know"

That's what this blog is about. I just don't know. And by me always letting my feelings out on this blog, I guess it makes me a little vulnerable. I feel like I have no privacy. There's a difference between what I write on here and other things in my life. If I write it on here verbatim - obviously it's not that private. Society has a definition of normal that most people go by.....but what exactly does that make the rest of us? Because I am a deep thinker....because I have strong emotions and sometimes very strong opinions.......that makes me.....what? If you aren't in the normal category......what is the other category? Honestly, I think I would be pretty freaking normal if I was just let alone for a bit.

I am a true believer in respect. I will respect for as long as I am able, but once you disrespect over and over again.......why should I continue to care about respecting you? You basically get a million chances with me......then I say screw it. There are people out there everyday who are constantly getting disrespected in ways that others couldn't even imagine. People who are frightened to go to sleep at night in fear of what may happen while they are asleep. Imagine if you were sleeping.......you woke up.....and noticed a shadow dashing off the side of your bed? Creepy, huh?

Let's say you have been violated in a way where you were burglarized or a victim of some sort of fraud........if you have, can you remember that feeling of violation? It's a strange feeling when you and your personal space have been violated. I tell you......once you have lived a life that was based on total violation of your personal life and your personal views.......you begin to feel like a little puppet being played in someone else's life.

Right now.....I feel as though every component that makes up "Beth" has been violated. My feelings, my trust, my privacy, my thoughts, my life............. It's like someone broke into my life and burglarized it, creeping and crawling all around it.....running their hands over things that are mine. It's all been tainted. And I don't like that.