The circle of life.....

Every year for as long as I can remember, we have had family vacation. It's always been in Florida and it's always been amazing. I'm on family vacation now - yet somehow, this year is different.

My Maw Maw B - the backbone of this family has gotten older and somewhat weaker. She has always been our strength. We have always said that God has a special spot for her in heaven as she is one of God's truest angels. She has always taken care of us - all of us.

This year, her voice sounds so fragile and her body even more so. She speaks in whispers and almost always tells us how much we each mean to her. I look into her eyes and I see a broken soul. It breaks my heart.

It was this week that I came to find out just how bad my maw maw's situation had become and I wasn't ready for what I was about to see. My Nannie has been taking care of her for quite some time and I feel blessed to have her in all of our lives to be so selfless and giving.

Maw maw B cannot walk on her own. She has a little portable potty that is put next to her. It was very hard the first time I checked on her and helped her use the bathroom. I could see the disappointment in her eyes. She wished this wasn't happening. Having to help every single move, from - left hand here, no here, maw maw - scoot to the left...a little more....right there. Then while she holds on to something steady with all her might, pulling her pants down for her - she is in depends now. Guiding her one more time to where she is seating on the toilet. I've noticed once she makes it there - her little body crumbles.

It was hard - and she was disappointed that she was this way. Very apologetic. I can honestly say though that after all she has done for all of us....it was a pleasure to return the favor. I remember when I was little and I would stay the night at her house - and I wet the bed once. Never did she make me feel ashamed.

I can't put into words how independent this woman is/was. And to see her become totally dependent on everyone - I know it bothers her. My cousins and I and my Nannie are always trying to comfort her - letting her know it's okay. Sometimes we all need help. And Lindsey advised "That's what family is for." How true is that?

I'm still very shaken up at the thought that this may be the last time I have a family vacation that includes her. I hope this isn't true but I do know that it is possible.

All I can say is that I'm not ready for her to go but I am so thankful for the time I've been given to express my love to this woman who has loved me so very much.